So you’re cursing my name; scrawling on it over and over till the paper tears,
Funny how I can’t even disparage you when I knew too well how silly you were.
So I turned a blind eye to you; steered clear of your lingering shadow through the window sheers,
Funny how you still hanker around daydreams of me when they must only deter.
You loitered around places where I was bound to be at- the places I thereafter stopped going to.
You scrolled through our texts late at night; soon after I stopped answering yours.
You listened to the songs, read the books, watched the movies that I recommended but didn’t care about; you had no clue.
You proved me wrong when I said I wasn’t good enough, oblivious to the irrevocable tribulation that for so long my mind still endures.
And of course, I had to walk away.
On days when you would wake up with flushed cheeks, emphatically acting out scenarios in front your mirror and exuberantly hopping to where you’d see me,
I woke up teary and baggy eyed with limping legs and dishevelled hair; soul so dreadful I could barely speak; I’d look in the mirror and grimace at the sight of me.
And I knew you thought I was beautiful- every inch of me- at every moment in a day,
But the truth is you haven’t dissected the realities of me that I shroud willingly and choose not to show to you for you are too perfect for me.
So please know that you don’t have to keep looking for creeks and crevices to find a way into my heart;
You don’t have to stare at the rotating fan at the ceiling, foreseeing visions of us and lie awake in the dark.
The girl you think you know doesn’t exist:
You see the cold corpse of the girl who dies a thousand deaths every day with no legacy to leave behind.
She lives life like it’s a simulation and she is just a second fiddle, lying at the back; face and body confined.
“Hearts break every day, tears stain every cheek, sobs mingle with every breath, a piece of everybody dies someday.”
“It’s not you, it’s them. They haven’t gotten their life together. They’re a mess. They’re figuring themselves out. Give them time, they’ll come back to you.”
“Give yourself a break. Have an ice-cream, go hang out with your friends, do karaoke nights, unwind in a scenic beauty on a sunny Sunday”
“Make them regret it. Become twice the better version of yourself. Glow yourself up, wear the best clothes, intrigue them with your wit and genius, read books, dye your hair too.”
To the hearts I broke,
I’m sorry you had to listen to all these adages and reinforcements time and again.
They’re irksome and irritable, I know.
And I’m sorry I cannot be the one to lend you a shoulder when you need it the most.
I’m sorry you had to read this desolate and bothersome poem but, if you did make it till here, please do finish it.
Pick that paper up that you scrawled so hastily and desperately on and get rid of it once and for all.
Watch those, what you deem as, preposterous YouTube videos on how to get over someone.
Listen to your friends and family or maybe therapist even if they repeat the same words over and over.
Back-bite me all you want and say somethings awful about me that you don’t even mean to your friends.
Just please don’t ever stare at the photograph in your phone discreetly at night or read this poem for the umpteenth time.
Please don’t stop where you are or beck-pedal to a place inkier than this.
Please don’t ever, ever think of accepting me the way I am and resort to as many sacrilegious life- situations there are if it guarantees being with me.
Please don’t ever lay your head on the windowsill, shedding tears, killing a piece of you inside willingly for me.
Please don’t ever destroy yourself for me.
~ Riddhi Chakraborty
Notes: Time to turn heartbreak into something dreamy…
Furthermore, I would also like to address the study hiatus that I had been on for a while because of my exams. During my time off writing I had decided to represent ‘Polarities’ as a stand-alone in lieu of a mini-series. This is because I thought that the elemental message that I was trying to put out through my writeup was diverting as and when I stretched it into a series. I know some of you all were keen to read its subsequent chapters and honestly so was I while I was chalking it out. But, frankly the impact that ‘Polarities’ as a stand-alone created and will create if its subtext is dissected will conform to my person thoughts that I- as the writer- am centrally trying to convey through the poem. Once again, I’m genuinely sorry to everybody who was looking forward to its sequels. And a big, huge, giant THANK YOU to each one of you who showed me so much support throughout. ❤
Hope you all liked this poem!
Swan's Labyrinth 